dough1boy7's Xanga

Welcome to 2009!

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 18:06:02 GMT

I just want to make this entry short and sweet.

I know that last year wasn't the best for everyone, but life is like that sometimes. You just have to keep on chugging along knowing that when you're feeling knocked down, you can only look up from there. I wish that everyone has a great year this time around, and if you need my help, I'm always here. I'm not superman, but you know that I'll try to help as best as I can. I know I can be a bad person at times, but hey, I'm not perfect! You can't say that I don't try.

2008 was a pretty decent year for me, and I hope to continue the trend through 2009. I wouldn't say that last year was the best, but I'd say that it was one of the most memorable years in recent memory. I feel like my life has been enriched with so many more experiences (both positive and negative) since I moved out to VA, which I'm really thankful for because that's what makes life interesting. I've been in Michigan all this week since I had some time off and miles to use, and I must say that I've enjoyed myself much more than I originally expected. I thought I'd be itching to go back to VA by Wednesday, but now I wish I was here longer. I know and realize that I can't always expect the best out of every situation, so I'm usually prepared no matter what happens.

The new year is turning out as I expected it to be so far, which is good. I don't really have any resolutions this year, aside from trying to use people's names more when I'm telling stories. I know I'm not the best storyteller, but I end up telling stories all of the time, and I realize it can be hard to keep up when I don't use names. What can I say, I like being vague (sometimes) or speaking in code (all the time). :)

Anyway, I'm going to continue onwards with living this life that I've been given and trying to make the most of it.

Sidenote: The parallels are uncanny.

'People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get'

Memories Made in the Coldest Winter

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:12:00 GMT

I can't wait til 2009!

Usually I don't particularly look forward to a new year, but I think it'll be different this time around. There are a few things about 2008 that I need to hurry up and get thru just to get them over with. My mindset will definitely be different and not so scrambled come the new year. I'll also be back home at the end of 2008 instead of DC, so I don't plan on ending this year with a bang so to speak.

I'm moving down to the 3rd floor this weekend. I had a friend come over last night and help me get started with the packing. We got most of the things in the living room all packed up relatively quickly, which is where most of the smaller packable things were. I'll have a week to get my old place cleaned up, which shouldn't take very long at all. I'll miss this apartment, but sometimes you gotta change it up! The layout of the new place will give me some more flexibility as to what to do with my living room and bedroom. As cool as my bamboo plant is, I think I actually might want to decorate the new place a little bit. I just have to figure out how I'm going to go about doing that. Maybe it'll coincide with the destroying and rebuilding that I need to do in my life, cuz I think it's about time again.

I had more to talk about, but I'm too tired to speak vaguely using code words, regardless of how much I'd love to.

I just want to be a real boy one day, but this might just be the coldest winter yet...

'In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it.'

I Miss Blogging

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 17:23:04 GMT

It's been a long time since I've written in this thing regularly.

I think about writing something from time to time, but then I get distracted, then forget what I wanted to write about in the first place. I've started a few entries, only to never finish them, so I guess the first step to getting back in the groove is to maybe start posting some of these half-assed entries of mine. Here's one from about a month ago:

Monday, October 20, 2008

Ahh, D.C.

At this point of my life, things seem pretty decent. While everything is temporary and constantly changing, life is not as tough as it used to be. It's amazing how 'free' your life feels when you're not in school. I guess this is what you would call enjoying the fruits of my labor, so I shall enjoy it while I can. Sometimes I do take my 'freedom' for granted, and get in trouble for doing silly things like coming into work whenever I feel like it, but these are the types of things that I find exciting about life. It's fun pushing anything I can to the limit to see how far I can go without making a big mess.

I went to D.C. last night with Jermil to take some random photos of things that would look cool at night, for silly reasons really. One of my friends wanted some 'pretty pictures', so I figured why not. Jermil wants to be a photographer, so I figured that he'd be down for some random photographs of stuff. As two guys, we really couldn't think of what would look cool to a girl, so we're going to Arlington National Cemetary tonight to see if the views from there are really as good as the Google says they are. Either way, it's ridiculous and silly, but fun anyway because really, what else is better than doing things for no good reason? Haha.

Earlier today I was thinking about how introspective of a person I am. At first I was thinking that maybe I reflect on the past much too often, but then I realized that I do it to extract life's little lessons out of every situation in order to make better decisions in the present or future. I always wonder if it's 'normal' to think about yourself this often.

I also started thinking about how I daydream all of the time. I start playing all of these possible scenarios in my mind, both realistic and completely unfeasible. It's a little disappointing when the realities of life don't match up to some of the expectations of my daydreams, but such is life. I would love to share my thoughts more often, but sometimes I'd rather express myself through cryptic Facebook statuses and Twitter updates. They just seems to be the more appropriate mediums for me to express my constantly varying feelings about life and the people involved in it.

One thing I have not missed about blogging is my browser crashing on me or accidentally navigating away in the middle of entry! My last two paragraphs were much more elaborate than they are now, but were lost when Firefox decided to randomly crash.

'The past is malleable and flexible, changing as our recollection interprets and re-explains what has happened.'

26!

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 05:54:16 GMT

So yesterday was my birthday! It feels good to be another year older, and another year wiser. It doesn't feel good to be THAT much closer to 30! Good god.

I bought Guitar Hero: World Tour last month as a birthday present to myself, and it's definitely well worth every penny, especially when friends are over. Since my birthday was on a Friday, work was pretty laid back. We hit up happy hour for a few hours afterwards at Caribbean Breeze, which has quickly become our usually happy hour spot. We went to this Thai place called Temple at first, but left when we realized that the three of us walking in instantly doubled the amount of people that were there. Later, Jackie and Peter took me out to Ted's Montana Grill for dinner, then we came back and played Guitar Hero for the rest of the night. A few more people will be coming out tomorrow night so we can hit up a Taste of Morocco in Clarendon for a massive feast. I'm really just looking forward to the mint tea.

This week has been pretty good so far. I met a new friend while I was volunteering for Obama on Monday night, who then invited me out to the ESPN Zone in DC to watch the election with some of her friends in a private room. It was definitely well worth going out there, since I had some reservations as to hanging out with this random girl I just met. Seeing and hearing all of my fellow Obama supporters in DC was a great time. I'm beyond happy that he's our new president, and can't wait to see this country return to a time of prosperity.

I'm scheduled to move out of my apartment at the end of this month, and move into a place about 15 minutes down the road in the same building as Jermil. I was all ready to move down there, but then I had a revelation. I was being driven in a cab down Route 50 on my way back from DCA when I caught myself staring at all of the high-rise buildings of Arlington. A feeling came over me that made me realize how much I really enjoyed just living in the Ballston-Rosslyn corridor in Arlington, and that I needed to keep looking for apartments around here when I get the chance. I looked a few places, then in the end I decided to sign a new lease on an apartment in my own building. I'm getting the first two months free, which will bring my costs down, averaging about $1450/month in rent for everything. The place I was going to move to comes out to about $1315/month. When I factor in things like gas money and the moving expenses I'd incur if I moved out of my building, I only spend about $60 more than my current place which is a block from work and three blocks off the metro. I say it's well worth the extra bit of money.

I'm definitely starting to feel more like a grown up these days, but then I go and play Guitar Hero for a while and realize that you're only feeling as old as you let yourself feel. :)

'Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.'

A New Chapter..

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 14:06:32 GMT

*EDIT*
It looks like I need to put some clarification on here for some reason. I'm speaking in general terms about society as usual, not anyone in particular.
*End of EDIT*

Yesterday marked the end of a chapter in both of our lives, and today starts anew. Things like this are never easy to deal with, but what fun is life without the trials and tribulations that give it character? I'm not sure if I ever expected things to turn out this way, but in the back of my mind I realize that it's always a possibility in any relationship.

It's interesting to see how people handle ending a relationship. I suppose the most common thing to do is to go your separate ways, and live life thinking (or hoping) that you will never run into that person again. Why do people do this? I guess it makes sense that for some people to get over someone, sometimes you need to stop talking to and seeing that person. I question if people do this because it's what we view in society as what you're 'supposed to do', instead of doing what they want to do. Why fight how you feel on the inside?

Maybe I'm just an exception to the rule, which really shouldn't be a surprise since I always get the feeling that I don't always view life from the same perspective as most people. I have been through breakups in the past, and of course they're never usually fun, but they have also all been very different. The one thing in common that I've experienced is that I don't get the sudden urge and desire to shut the doors to my world from my former significant other. Instead of running from what just happened, I feel the desire to boldly face it on a daily basis to reiterate the decision that was just made, regardless if it was amicable or not. Why should I have to run from my problems? Is this even a problem? Why do we naturally choose to run away from things in life instead of addressing them directly? It's just too hard for some of us to stare an unfortunate truth in the face and deal with it directly, so we just run away from it, much like our friend Forrest Gump. Sure his life turned out to get better after all that running, but keep in mind that was also a movie. :)

I'm not perfect, and I don't directly address all of the issues that come up in my life, but I am perfectly okay with and capable of maintaining civility in a post-breakup apocalyptic world. Feelings are uneasy on both sides, especially knowing that what once was will never be again, but that's the reality of the situation and it will remain self-evident for the rest of your lives. The feelings that you have for someone will not just completely disappear after an extended period of time of ignoring them. I've experienced this first hand on several occasions after seeing someone I dated sometime after the relationship was over. I think it's hard to lose that feeling of being 'connected' to that person, especially if you were friends before. It's hard to look someone who knew so much about you in the eye and to try to treat them as just another friend.

Of course there are always caveats to this situation, especially those tumultuous relationships that end in disaster, but I really wonder how many end that way. From my personal experience, even the worst of my relationships have not had terrible breakups. Yes, I've been hurt like no other in the past, but those feelings didn't make me never want to see the person ever again, no matter how hurt I was.

It's difficult now, but things will always get better as long as you realize that it's not the end of the world; it's a new beginning.

'Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail'

Say Hello to the Bad Guy

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 04:53:58 GMT

Nobody ever said growing up was easy.

It's hard to know what decisions you make in life are the 'right' decisions. Do we chart our own course through life, or were things 'meant to happen'? We will never know. I like to think that things happen for a reason, and everything you do in life has ramifications. I like the idea of karma, but sometimes I feel like I'll go through a whole lifetime without seeing karma at it's best.

I don't understand how I feel certain ways. It's hard for me to put into words the way I feel inside about many aspects of life. Sometimes the English language doesn't have a word for those feelings! It's times like these when I feel the most misunderstood by others, and choose to just keep quiet. When I do find the right words, I feel like I go off in a fury with my sharp tongue. Fortunately, most people never see that side of me.

Something I've noticed since I finished grad school and moved on with my career is that no matter how much you achieve, we always want more. You set a milestone for yourself, reach it, celebrate, then realize that there's another goal for you to reach! One degree isn't enough these days! You need to go back to school and get another one! Certifications? Why, I want to be certified in everything! $5k in the bank? I think I'd be happier with $10k!

Who is really content with where they are in life? Is it our society that gets into our subconscious and throws our desires for our lives into high gear? I really wonder what sort of motivations people had for their lives when life was much simpler. All I know is that I feel like I'm never content with where I'm at in life. There's always bigger and better out there, but just how far can one person go? How does it feel when you know you've reached as far as you can reach? Do you spend the rest of your life not trying anymore because there's no point? Is that when you become complacent, and realize that you just need to appreciate what you have?

I play through way too many what-if scenarios in my mind for my own good. I apologize for being pretty vague in this entry, but I can't really express how I feel about my life right now.

'Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death'

Anybody there?

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:56:13 GMT

Hi Xanga. What happened here? I used log on here a few times a day to check out what my friends have been up to lately, but alas, those days are gone.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi!

'How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct'

Newsflash! Not all brown people are related!

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:44:20 GMT

Who hasn't this happened to before?

I was at a gathering last night at a co-worker's place, who happens to be a fellow brown person. All of her sister's co-workers that were there were of the vanilla variety. So I'm sitting on the couch with her sister when one of the guys looks at us, and says:

'By the way, are you two related??'

I had two options:

1 - I could just smile and say no with a hearty laugh and smile OR
2 - I could say no, then ask if he was in fact related to the rest of the people that were there, because by using his logic, he might as well have been, right?

Unfortunately, I decided to be nice, considering I just met the guy. Maybe it would have been a more appropriate question if we shared more features, aside from the light-brownish skin and dark hair.

This sort of gross generalization by a random guy that I just met led me to think about how if a guy who was somewhat smart and educated like him could think like that, then it's really no wonder people act the way they do in parts of the country where education and experiences with others are limited. See this vid to see what showed up in my thought bubble:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-q4MDQ0cDI

'Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity'

Embracing Solidarity

Sat, 24 May 2008 21:10:55 GMT

Sometimes I feel as if I'm the only person who embraces solidarity.

There have been many days at work where I hadn't uttered a single word to anyone else in the office. I might talk to a few people on Communicator here and there, but I really enjoy keeping to myself as much as I can. I put on my earbuds, and do whatever it is I do at work. I see people walk by me all of the time out of the corner of my eye, and I'm convinced that most people think I'm always working on something very diligently. Perception is reality, so they can think what they want.

I go to happy hours and other work-related functions when I can, but lately I've missed out due to work. To be truthful, I was glad to have missed a few events. Sometimes I just want to come home from work, and spend the rest of the night by myself doing whatever I feel like doing. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I feel as if many people I know have a hard time being by themselves. These are the people who would tell you that they're never home, because they're always doing something. Doesn't that ever get tiring? I guess different things keep different people satisfied. I just don't understand it.

I've never considered myself a social person, though other people have rightfully disagreed. I go through just as many phases of being social as I do wanting to just be alone. I'm thinking this is one reason why I've never really really had a big circle of close friends, because I'll be MIA for the longest, then pop up out of nowhere. This week, I've been a little under the weather. I did want to go out last night, but I've practically used up a box of tissue since yesterday. I'm feeling a little better today.

It's Memorial Day weekend, and I don't particularly have any plans, which is great. One of my co-workers asked me if I wanted to go to some club tonight and get a table with a three bottle minimum. Right now I'd rather just stay at home, but we'll see how I'm feeling later on. I am thinking about heading over to Jacob's place in Maryland on Monday for a BBQ if they're gonna have some chicken! Other than that, I'm staying in all weekend if I can help it!

'At the end of the day, whether or not those people are comfortable with how you're living your life doesn't matter. What matters is whether you're comfortable with it.'

When I was 4, I wanted to be a rock star!

Sat, 17 May 2008 00:03:01 GMT

Sure it was a brief phase, but I remember it quite well...

One day my parents had a friend over, so being the little kid that I was, I went to find other things to occupy my time. I went into the bathroom and took a long look in the mirror. All of the sudden, a light-bulb went off in my head!

I turned on the faucet and started splashing water all over my hair. After a few minutes I effectively spiked my hair back enough to stay for a few minutes. I was pleased with my new hair style because it reminded me of something a rock star would wear. I decided it was time to show my parents, because they would be as amused as I was, right?

'Mommy! I wanna be a rock star!' *proceeds to air guitar*

'What did you do to your hair! GO FIX IT!!' *threatens to beat that ass*

And that was the end of my rock star phase.

In other news, as part of our company picnic today, I went to the driving range for the first time. It was FANTASTIC!!!!!!

'Before you do anything, think. If you do something to try and impress someone, to be loved, accepted or even to get someone's attention, stop and think. So many people are busy trying to create an image, they die in the process.'